oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
