Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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