Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Randomize
