A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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