I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
