Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
