He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
