his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
