My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
