would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
