I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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