i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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