We won't sleep together?
so that wasnt chicken after all
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
