so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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