I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
