oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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