I puked a lego.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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