Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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