bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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