Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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