i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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