I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
