New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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