She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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