My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
