I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
