jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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