she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
