My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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