dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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