Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
