Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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