Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
