dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
