my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
