Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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