i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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