Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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