"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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