he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
