a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
why is half of my head shaved?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
