in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Randomize
