Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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