The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
