i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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