walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
