my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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