Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
