He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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