The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
