One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I intend to get homeless drunk
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
