Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She's the barista slut.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize