I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just had sex on a roof
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
