i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just blew my weed a kiss
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
