Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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