I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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